Mediocrity is killing me. Mediocrity is killing you. That mediocrity is your job unless you are one of the lucky ones. Unless you are one of the few who get up every morning and spend a third of your day, of your life, loving what you do and work in a place that strives for excellence. Unless you work for a place that doesn't play a business game but plays the infinite game of improving the company and the product and puts the employee first. Otherwise mediocrity is the killer.
But you can save your life. You can move forward when you are telling yourself you can't. You can get the training and break the social media addiction. You can put God and family first while also making improvements to move forward to employment that is both objectively and subjectively meaningful. Is it easy? No.
Life isn't supposed to be easy. Baked into all life are difficulties that we have to get through. One of those things is the demon that haunts us with negative thoughts. And one of the hardest things in life is fighting those thoughts. It's not something we have to do on our own, but it is something that only ourselves, personally, thoughtfully, can decide to fight in the first place. The first step is two-fold: realize there is a problem and that it can be fought. Fighting it means you first must stop the negative thinking. There are various tools and techniques, which used together, can help bring you to the realization there is a problem and combat it like: prayer, counseling, meditation, positive thought training, and rehabilitation for those who have fallen into addiction. It's not impossible, it's just not easy.
You could start by convincing yourself that you can change and that you don't want to be a victim. You don't even have to say positive things about yourself, just stop the thoughts of tearing yourself down and refuse to listen to them.